well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
