Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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