letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
