Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
