I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
