Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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