I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
