I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
