You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
