Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
