false alarm. still invincible.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize