i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
