fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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