he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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