I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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