i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize