I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My feet surprised me
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