So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
