That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize