Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
