Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
