it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
