Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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