Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
