I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
