actually, I'm a sock model
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
