these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I looked at my own cervix.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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