Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
