They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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