Nicole vs. Life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
