I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
