Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
