I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
