3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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