If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
