So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You need a sexual gate keeper
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
