I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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