he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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