i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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