Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize