Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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