I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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