just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
