Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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