i just wanna soil my oats bro
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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