ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
