mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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