I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have feelings that need drinking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
