picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
