If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
