He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
