College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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