I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You are a genius and a whore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
