i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need to align my fucking chakras
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