I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
