Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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