Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
