If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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