she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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