Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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