i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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