you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
COCAINE IS GR8
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
