I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
