That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
