Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
