toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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