i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
