I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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