do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
sex in a hospital.. check
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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