I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
