Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize