So drunk its hurt
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
