Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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