Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
