i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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