they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
