I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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