I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize