Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
